The news was announced today that the London Olympics has proposed two new sports: women’s boxing and Rugby sevens. Now although I am impartial to boxing I am very pleased to see the rugby included, it is a great sport with a potential champion from Fiji.

However, as an Anglophile I am disappointed that the opportunity has not been taken to include some real British sports, some with wide international appeal.

1.    Morris dancing – ageing men dance around in silly costumes with bells on their ankles and silly smiles – essentially the terrestrial version of synchronised swimming but with a greater participation rate.

2.    Welly wanging – is a soft rubber version of discus throwing using a wellington boot (gumboot). It requires less space than discus and relies more on technique than strength.

3.    Caber tossing – is one for the ladymen but requires strength and manliness. Wearing a kilt while tossing the caber makes it a post-modern sport.

4.    Darts – this is the indoor version of javelin. It offers the advantage that a keen eye and a firm resolve will win over brawn and healthy lifestyle.

5.    Ferret legging – an indoor sport similar to the equestrian jumping; a ferret is required to negotiate barriers between the belt and the end of the trouser leg in the longest amount of time. No penalties are given for bites.

6.    Queuing – this is a team sport at which the English are certain gold medallists. The English have been known to queue for blocks simply to undertake minor transactions. There will no doubt be large queues at many of the London venues in tribute to this tradition.

7.    Gurning – its loss to these games is perhaps the most keenly felt. When are we ever going to have a greater opportunity to showcase the Northern English sport of gurning, or face-pulling.

8.    Boat-racing – this is a companion sport to rugby and does not involve water but beer – it is a beer drinking relay.

9.    Cheese-rolling – this Gloucestershire tradition may seem like a very eccentric sport but it attracts international competitors in a cross between downhill skiing and stair-diving (another less common companion sport to rugby) while controlling a giant cheese ball.

10. Pheasant shooting – clay pigeons tend to have predictable trajectories and are inedible.

11. Fox-hunting – politically incorrect but now that the foxes are becoming more annoying time for reconsideration. Alternatively combine the event with the steeplechase.

12. Sheep-dogging – the equestrian sports involve a rider persuading a horse to jump fences or to walk around an arena in figure-eights. Sheep dogging, where a handler persuades a dog to bring sheep through a series of obstacles using a whistle, is real beauty.

13. Cricket – based on the performance of the English team at Headingly last week this is no longer an English sport but has been included for politeness.